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Tag: Kids

Home > ArchivesTag: Kids

Dad Jokes: Part Two

June 18, 2017 by in category Apples & Oranges, Java Plots tagged as , , ,

Dad Jokes | Marianne H. Donley | A Slice of Orange

A few years ago (okay nine years ago) I wrote the following post for Father’s Day:

I collect Dad Jokes. These are not jokes about dads, but are jokes that dads everywhere tell little kids. Dad Jokes have three things in common:

1. They’re G-rated.
2. They’re lame.
3. You laugh anyway, even years later.

My own dad had a good supple of Dad Jokes starting with “What’s black and white and red all over?” His answer varied according to the age of audience, preschool or kindergarten aged kids got “newspaper” and older kids got “sunburned zebra.” Either way gales of laughter would follow, which fascinated me even as a little kid. Let’s face it, that joke is so old most children are probably born knowing it.

But that joke wasn’t the one that cracked me up. My favorite Dad Joke is (and this is really dating me):

“What”s black and blue, lays in the grass and goes ding-dong?”
“A wounded Avon lady.”

My bothers and sisters and I all went to Catholic school so a close second is:

“What’s black and white, black and white, black and white and black and blue?”
“A nun falling down stairs.”

I should note that we were under strict orders from our mom NOT to tell that joke at school. I am fairly certain that was an order my brother Michael just couldn’t follow, that joke spread though St. Ann’s like wild fire. This was well before the days of “zero tolerance” in our schools where everything a child says is examined for possible homicidal intent, so no one got expelled as a result. However, it has not escaped my notice that there is a more polite version floating around these days, but I can’t think “a penguin falling down stairs” would have the same humor impact on Catholic school children.

My husband has a pretty good supple of Dad Jokes as well. Our sons still laugh at both:

“Why does an elephant paint his toenails red?”
“To hide in a cherry tree.”

“How can you tell if there’s an elephant in the refrigerator?”
“There are footprints in the butter.”

Our daughter’s favorite Dad Joke was told to her by her Uncle Paul. I know if I just mention this joke she, at age 26, will start laughing. So:

“Want to hear a dirty joke?”
“A white horse fell in the mud.”

Why is this “Dad Jokes, Part two?”

Because now I have internet resources for you. I’ve listed my favorite joke (or two)  and then the link to the site where I found it.

What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
From Baby Center’s  35 Silly Jokes for Kids 

What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An Investigator.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
From Jokes4US Kid’s Jokes

What do you call a tick on the moon?
A luna-tick

What kind of music do planets sing?
Neptunes!
From Funology’s Outerspace Jokes

What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?
Guardians of the Galaxy.

If April showers bring Mayflowers, what do Mayflowers bring?
Pilgrims.

From Mon Junctions 85 Silly Jokes for Kids (Which I guess proves that moms like dad jokes as much as dads do.)

 

Happy Father’s Day!

What’s your favorite dad joke?


Marianne H. Donley | A Slice of Orange

 

 

Marianne H. Donley makes her home in Tennessee with her husband and son. She is a member of Bethlehem Writers Group, Romance Writers of America, OCC/RWA, and Music City Romance Writers. When Marianne isn’t working on A Slice of Orange, she might be writing short stories, funny romances or quirky murder mysteries, but this could be a rumor.

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June Traditions

June 1, 2017 by in category Apples & Oranges tagged as , , ,

Apples & Oranges | Marianne H. Donley | A Slice of Orange

June Traditions

Graduations and wedding.  Strawberry stands close.  Corn on the cob stands open.

June bugs attempt suicide by flying into a patio door.  News programs announce grunion runs. Janet Evanovich’s new novel is sure to be on the book store shelf soon. June gloom weather patterns make it impossible to know what to wear each day.  Pick shorts and a tee, the clouds never burn off. Jeans and a pullover guarantee it will be ninety by ten fifteen.  The significant other always announces that the air conditioner will not be turned on until after the Fourth of July.  The kids get out of school.

June Traditions | Marianne H. Donley | A Slice of Orange
Ah, no school. For me, that was always both a blessing and a curse.  I loved the slower pace of summer days, kids making mud pies, decorating the driveway with sidewalk chalk, back yard sleep–overs, and the wide-eyed wonder of a child blowing bubbles.  I was less thrilled with sibling squirt gun fights that degenerated into all out bloody warfare in thirty seconds or less, other parents who assumed that because I was a teacher and therefore home during the summer I would leap at the chance to entertain their little darlings twelve hours a day five days a week for free, and those heartfelt words, “Mom, I’m so bored.”

No school for my kids rarely translated into no other commitments for me. I taught summer school classes, took graduate math classes and always had a novel on which I was working.  So how did I carve out time for writing with a job, graduate school, three kids, and a husband who traveled?

First, I insisted both my sons and my daughter did housework. They made their beds.  They vacuumed. They washed dishes. They scrubbed toilets.  Few of their chores were completed as well as if I had done them myself, but I learned to turn a blind eye to what I didn’t have time to fix and to ignore snippy comments from other adults.

Next, I let my children join inexpensive summer time activities. The PTA arranged a summer movie series for children, a juice-box, a small bag of popcorn and the movie all for a dollar.  Park and Recreation always offered swimming lessons, art lessons, piano lessons, gym classes.  I traded play days with other mothers.  But rather than drop my kids off and return to pick them up, I packed a lawn chair, a clipboard, sun screen and stayed.  I graded papers during swim team practice, completed non-Euclidean geometry homework during gym class and edited chapters of my very first book while my kids played in the sand.

I arranged my desk and computer so that I could see the back yard while I worked.  If they needed me closer, I handed them their own paper and pencils, pulled chairs up to my desk and had them write with me.  I got wild stickers and made a refrigerator chart. They earned a sticker for each book they read and could redeem the chart for a small prize from the junk store.  I bought books on tape like Treasure Island, The Hobbit, Tom Sawyer, cheap tape players with head phones and handed them out when I needed quiet time.  If I was truly desperate and they were truly bored, I let them watch videos, a huge treat at my house where the TV never turned on unless it was dark outside. I set my alarm for four and wrote all morning, something I still do today even though my children are out of the house and have children of their own.

So if your children are home for the summer, cherish them and those mud pies drying in the sun, but plan on carving out time for your writing. You are creative, and if you really want to write, you will find a way.


Marianne H. Donley | A Slice of Orange

 

 

Marianne H. Donley makes her home in Tennessee with her husband and son. She is a member of Bethlehem Writers Group, Romance Writers of America, OCC/RWA, and Music City Romance Writers. When Marianne isn’t working on A Slice of Orange, she might be writing short stories, funny romances or quirky murder mysteries, but this could be a rumor.

You can find her short story, Valentine’s Day Rules, in LET IT SNOW.

 

 


June’s Featured author is Jina Bacarr

Jina Bacarr | A Slice of OrangeI discovered early on that I inherited the gift of the gab from my large Irish family when I penned a story about a princess who ran away to Paris with her pet turtle Lulu. I was twelve. I grew up listening to their wild, outlandish tales and it was those early years of storytelling that led to my love of history and traveling.

I enjoy writing to classical music with a hot cup of java by my side. I adore dark chocolate truffles, vintage anything, the smell of bread baking and rainy days in museums. I’ve always loved walking through history—from Pompeii to Verdun to Old Paris.

The voices of the past speak to me through carriages with cracked leather seats, stiff ivory-colored crinolines, and worn satin slippers. I’ve always wondered what it was like to walk in those slippers when they were new.

Jina’s newest book is a young adult novel, CRYSTAL GIRL.  It was released in May and available on Amazon.

CRYSTAL GIRL

CRYSTAL GIRL

$4.99eBook: $2.99
Author:
Genre: Young Adult
Tags: 2017, Paranormal
I'll do anything to be thin . . . anything. Even sell my soul. More info →
Buy from Amazon
Buy from Amazon Kindle

 

 

 

 

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