Dad Jokes
June 15, 2008 by Marianne H. Donley in category Java Plots by marianne h donley tagged as Java Plotsby Marianne H. Donley
I collect Dad Jokes. These are not jokes about dads, but are jokes that dads everywhere tell little kids. Dad Jokes have three things in common:
1. They’re G-rated.
2. They’re lame.
3. You laugh anyway, even years later.
My own dad had a good supple of Dad Jokes starting with “What’s black and white and red all over?” His answer varied according to the age of audience, preschool or kindergarten aged kids got “newspaper” and older kids got “sunburned zebra.” Either way gales of laughter would follow, which fascinated me even as a little kid. Let’s face it, that joke is so old most children are probably born knowing it.
But that joke wasn’t the one that cracked me up. My favorite Dad Joke is (and this is really dating me):
“What”s black and blue, lays in the grass and goes ding-dong?”
“A wounded Avon lady.”
My bothers and sisters and I all went to Catholic school so a close second is:
“What’s black and white, black and white, black and white and black and blue?”
“A nun falling down stairs.”
I should note that we were under strict orders from our mom NOT to tell that joke at school. I am fairly certain that was an order my brother Michael just couldn’t follow, that joke spread though St. Anne’s like wild fire. This was well before the days of “zero tolerance” in our schools where every thing a child says is examined for possible homicidal intent, so no one got expelled as a result. However, it has not escaped my notice that there is a more polite version floating around these days, but I can’t think “a penguin falling down stairs” would have the same humor impact on Catholic school children.
My husband has a pretty good supple of Dad Jokes as well. Our sons still laugh at both:
“Why does an elephant paint his toenails red?”
“To hide in a cherry tree.”
“How can you tell if there’s an elephant in the refrigerator?”
“There are footprints in the butter.”
Our daughter’s favorite Dad Joke was told to her by her Uncle Paul. I know if I just mention this joke she, at age 26, will start laughing. So:
“Want to hear a dirty joke?”
“A white horse fell in the mud.”
Happy Father’s Day!
Marianne H. Donley writes quirky murder mysteries fueled by her life as a mom and a teacher. She makes her home in California with her supportive husband Dennis and two loveable but bad dogs. Her grown children have respectfully asked her to use a pen name which she declined on the grounds that even if some of their more colorful misdeeds make it into her plots, who would know the books are fiction. Besides they weren’t exactly worried about publicly humiliating her while growing up.
3 0 Read moreEye on Hollywood: Lend Me A Hand(s)
June 13, 2008 by A Slice of Orange in category Archives tagged as Bobbie Cimo, Eye on HollywoodOne day while sitting at my desk, doing some boring administration work, I got a call from Murray Neitlich, head photographer of the CBS Photo Department. A nice man, who was known for his relaxed personality and creative talent behind a photo lens. Not only did Murray shoot all the publicity shots for CBS, but he did album covers for Simon And Garfunkel, Sly and The Family Stone, and Neal Diamond, too.
Murray started the conversation with, “Bobbie, can you come down to the Photo Gallery. I have some hand models here that I’m shooting for the Emmy’s, but then I remembered your hands . . . and I want to try something differentâ€
I looked at my hands . . . yep, my nails were polished — and luckily they weren’t chipped, like they usually are. Keep in mind this was before nail salons popped up on every street corner like a Starbucks does today. Most people back then did their own nails. And as a matter of fact, up until about ten years ago, I never had a professional manicure in my life. Also keep in mind, I have a bit of Dennis the Menace in me, as I find it hard not to get in trouble–I’m always into something, using my hands. So to sit still while waiting for my nails to dry is a challenge in itself. And when I do my nails it’s usually very fast, using quick strokes of the brush. I’ve never cut my cuticles, and only use hand lotion when I’m reminded by seeing someone else using it. I know, I’m hanging my head in shame, as I’m writing this.
Knowing I could never compete with professional models I was hesitant, but then realizing it was a way to get out of the office, I jumped at the chance.
The whole session took less than an hour. Most of the time was spent on choosing the right back drop to match my nail polish color and to calibrate the lighting for the right effect. I was given instructions on how to hold the Emmy for several different poses and that was about it. Except I do remember thinking how heavy the little sucker was. After the session wrapped, I happily went back to my office. When I returned to work, I told my boss “these hands†(posing them in the air) were too important to be doing office work today. “Don’t think so,†he replied, as he handed me a stack of stuff that needed to be typed.
Three weeks passed and I heard nothing about the photo shoot. So I just assumed they had decided to go with a professional. After all, it was for the cover of the LA Times’ TV Guide.
*******************************
Bobbie Cimo is the OCC/RWA Programs Director who has brought us such notable speakers as Dean Koontz, Tami Hoag, Jackie Collins and Robert Crais.
A Writer’s Pursuit…
June 12, 2008 by A Slice of Orange in category Archives tagged as A Writer's PursuitOf Feeling Good
So what do you do to stay in a positive frame of mind? Not just when you struggle with your writing, but when Life springs at you from around the corner bashes you on the head with a cast-iron griddle.
For example, some of you already know that my 23-year-old brother-in-law has been in the hospital for the past five weeks, fighting a scary battle for his health, and will most likely be in there a bit longer. My family and I haunted the halls of the ICU for nearly two weeks and held his hand, encouraged him, and even now when he’s in a regular hospital room, he still needs our support, encouragement, and good cheer as he faces complication after complication.
All of us go through tough times like this (I’m certainly not alone in this), so here’s my question for you: What helps you stand back up, dust yourself off, and straighten your spine, ready to face the battle(s) ahead?
Here are a couple things that have put me in my “happy†place over the past month. And in turn, they’ve helped me stay positive.
* Laughing helps quite a bit. Do you like to watch comedies? Listen to comedians?
We saw Flight of the Conchords live at the Orpheum a few weeks ago, and damn, for a few hours, it just felt good to let go of that 25-pound stone that seemed to be lodged in my chest. We also own their first season DVD from their HBO series, which my DH and I watch often, and listen to their musical comedy album on iTunes. Obviously, we’re fans of this New Zealand band.
Bret McKenzie and Jemaine Clements put me in my happy place.
* How about listening to a favorite song before you begin your day or when things get stressful?
One of my favorite bands, MUSE, covers the song “Feeling Good†and I love to play this a couple of times in the morning. Below, is a live version from their concert at Wembley Stadium in 2007 that MUSE posted on YouTube (they also post videos for embedding on their MySpace page). Be sure to turn up the volume… 🙂
If you already read my personal blog, then you know I’m obsessed with this British band. LOL
MUSE definitely puts me in my happy place.
So what about you? What helps you? Do you read a favorite book or series again? Listen to music? Watch a favorite movie? Get together with friends and laugh?
Take Care,
Michele
4 0 Read moreVideo Podcasting Madness: Part 3
June 11, 2008 by A Slice of Orange in category Archives tagged as Confessions of a Podcast GoddessCan you believe RWA San Francisco is just around the corner? Time to think about all those great parties coming up…
…but who can forget the Harlequin party last year at the Fairmont Hotel in Dallas ? Not OCC!!
Here are two videos from the Harlequin party!
Enjoy,
Jina
Jina Bacarr is the author of The Blonde Geisha , Naughty Paris, Tokyo Rendezvous, a Spice Brief, and her new erotic spy thriller, Spies, Lies & Naked Thighs.
Coming in April 2009: Cleopatra’s Perfume, a WWII spy thriller.
“Get Caught in the Act!”
Harlequin Party: Part ONE: Meet Kelly Mortimer, eHarlequin’s Lorie Hartt and Harlequin Series VP, Randall Toye.
Harlequin Party Part TWO: Meet Tracy Wolff and the OCC Gang!!
0 0 Read moreDreams and Reality
June 10, 2008 by A Slice of Orange in category ArchivesLessons from Life – by Nancy Farrier
Not long ago, my seven-year-old grandson, who lives in Southern Arizona, went to his mother with a request for a pet of his own. The conversation went something like this:
“What kind of pet do you want?â€
“I want an Arctic Fox,†my grandson said.
“An Arctic Fox? Why?â€
“Because they’re white and they’re cute, and I’d like one.â€
“But an Arctic Fox lives where it’s very cold. We live in the desert. I think an Arctic Fox would get too hot here,†his mother said.
“I could keep him in the freezer,†my grandson said.
“Well, the arctic is a long ways to go for a pet,†his mother said.
“No, it’s only five miles. You can drive there,†my grandson said.
Needless to say, my grandson hasn’t gotten the pet he wants. His dilemma reminds me of my writing life and the obstacles I come up against. Too many times there are distractions or discouragements that face me at every turn. My great story idea, the one that will impact many, doesn’t sound as good to an editor. Even a passing remark from a friend, that isn’t intended to discourage, can make me wonder why I even write.
Yet, I can’t give up. Just like my grandson and his enthusiasm for a pet that won’t fit with his lifestyle, or isn’t practical, I have to run with my ideas with all the abandon of a seven-year-old. Yes, there are times when reality rears its head, and I have to settle for a prairie dog instead of an arctic fox. When that happens, I’ve learned to get enthused about the prairie dog. At least I won’t have to look at it every time I open the freezer.
0 0 Read moreFeatured Books
THE BAILEY DEVLIN TRILOGY: BOOK 1-3 (The Bailey Devlin Series)
Bailey Devlin believes in fate. . .and luck. . .and fortune telling.
More info →
SLICK DEAL
On the eve of the New Year, 1956, oil tycoon, Oliver Wright dies suspiciously at a swanky Hollywood New Years Eve party. Some think it was suicide.
More info → 
