“During a drought, the morning pages seem both painful and foolish. They feel like empty gestures — like making breakfast for the lover we know is leaving us anyhow. Hoping against hope that we will someday be creative again, we go through the motions. Our consciousness is parched. We cannot feel so much as a trickle of grace. . . . And yet we write our Morning Pages because we must.” – Julia Cameron, THE ARTIST’S WAY.
It is closing in on midnight. My blog entry here at A Slice of Orange is due to go up in a few minutes. But instead of writing it, I spent the evening at my mother’s bedside, trying to help her comprehend what is going on while her muddled mind repeats the same questions over and over. You see, she thinks she is dying. Maybe she is. My brother and sister-in-law are convinced she is. Though the caregivers and doctors disagree. However, I do believe that a person can will themselves to die . . . or to live.
My eyes are burning. My brain is throbbing. But I can’t stop thinking about my commitment to write this blog. To tell you the truth, it’s the only thing keeping me connected to my writing at this time. I haven’t even been able to keep up with my own Morning Pages. And yet I write my blog because I must.
Is that too much honesty? Shouldn’t I be burning the midnight oil to finish my proposal promised months ago to an agent? I know a writer who came home at 2 A.M. from the ER (after her mother was finally admitted), and sat down to write her daily ten pages. I thought, “Is she insane?” I admire her dedication. But she probably welcomed the chance to escape into her writing and forget about her real world for a while.
Okay-okay, so I AM burning the midnight oil to finish this blog. As much as I would love to escape reality and write a few chapters of fiction, my brain cells are begging for some snooze-time. Though I must admit that, lately, my sleep has been disrupted by the most bizarre and disjointed dreams. I suppose all that unexpressed creativity has to find a release somehow.
I opened this entry with a quote from Julia Cameron about going through a drought. Is this a drought? Not exactly. But I am trying to keep my writing alive, and that’s what is important. Some writers might disagree and consider me a slacker. That’s okay. I’m the tortoise, not the hare.
Oh, one last thing — Check out Dr. Bruce H. Lipton‘s, THE BIOLOGY OF BELIEF: The Science of How We Create Our Lives. I heard his lecture a year ago at a conference. He’s amazing. We really ARE what we believe.
And now I believe I am very tired and I’m going to bed. ‘Nite all!
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