Channel Your Inner Guy….

January 24, 2009 by in category Archives tagged as , , with 0 and 0
Home > Writing > Archives > Channel Your Inner Guy….

Recently attended a presentation given by a very smart and talented group of people, but I came away with a powerful impression about girlspeak and boyspeak and a compelling message for people of the female persuasion:

You have got to Channel your Inner Guy when you speak publicly!

Both men and women presented. Both were smart, articulate, but the impact was night and day. Now there were some great women speakers and some not so great men, but there was a steriotypic role tendency that I fall into myself that hit me over the head listening.

You know where I’m taking this. Girlspeak meant presenting their recommendations tentatively, their language filled with caveats, ‘mights,’ ‘coulds,’ efforts to please, to question, to solicit approval, information couched with options and alternatives. If they were a dog, they’d be approaching you head down, ears flattened, tail low and wagging frantically.

And of course the guys would say their piece much more directly and quickly, with focus, specifics, to the point, putting their opinion out there, appearing to know everything, taking the risk. If they were a dog, they’d be sitting up straight or standing, ears pricked, legs apart, tail high, barking loudly for attention.

At worst, boyspeak delivers the not-too-subtle tyranny and bullying of ‘my way or the highway,’ ‘there is one correct opinion & you have just heard it, no conversation, questions or dissent will be tolerated’ and other forms of oppressive language. And girlspeak is sensitized—in the worst case, over sensitized—to that, and can go too far to compensate. But let me tell you, boyspeak was a lot easier to listen to!

Frankly, it is exhausting to listen to girlspeak. My stomach was clenched the whole time wondering where the sentences were going, whether there was any certainty or clarity I could hang my hat on, or whether it was all just a morass of possibilities that I was now supposed to figure out and sort through without clear direction, just a few gentle hints and hopes expressed.

I think there’s a happy medium—a combining of forces that is what a good relationship is all about—that captures the best of both.

It entails channeling your inner guy—you’ve seen it in the yin yang symbol,Yin__Yangor C.G. Jung’s animus/anima: finding that core piece of “other”—of our own direct opposite—that we carry within ourselves.

It means speaking clearly, confidently, directly, with passion and commitment to your point of view—but setting things up briefly at the beginning and/or at the end in a way that opens the door to feedback, or sets up the points to be discussed, what those discussion goals are & how that feedback will be managed.

All tentative and qualifying terms need to be ruthlessly eradicated from the general text. If you can’t bear to get rid of them entirely (I can’t) they go into a one sentence direct, opinionated qualifier. You don’t need to say the recommendations are just your opinion (duh!) and for heaven’s sake don’t be apologetic about having an opinion; you insult the person who is asking you for it.

No one is interested in how nervous you are or how unqualified you feel; they just want you to tell them what you know or recommend in as clear and compelling a manner as you can.

Just shut up about everything else. Ask yourself, would a guy ask that? Say that? Worry about that? No. So forget it.

Later, you can graciously open the door to comments (but don’t stop channeling your inner guy).

ISr Unsolicited advice from Isabel Swift

Author Details
Author Details
A Slice of Orange started in 2004 as a group of authors from Orange County, California. We have expanded to include authors from around the globe–from the UK, all across the US to New Zealand. Our authors include the multi-published and writers at the beginning of their publishing career. In addition to authors, we feature blog posts from editors, PR professionals, and cover designers. The bright segments of the writing and reading community that make up one perfect entity—A Slice of Orange.
On Sale

Books on sale or free

STOLEN KISSES FROM THE VISCOUNT

Buy now!
STOLEN KISSES FROM THE VISCOUNT

THE GHOST OF DEPFORD HALL

Buy now!
THE GHOST OF DEPFORD HALL

THE ROGUE’S LAST SCANDAL

Buy now!
THE ROGUE’S LAST SCANDAL
WHO’S THE FAIREST? A Sisters Grimm Anthology
BECKONED, PART 1: FROM LONDON WITH LOVE

LEIF Viking Glory Book One

Buy now!
LEIF Viking Glory Book One

FREYA Viking Glory Book Two

Buy now!
FREYA Viking Glory Book Two
THIEVES: Book One of the Obscurité de Floride Trilogy

CITY OF BLAZE

Buy now!
CITY OF BLAZE

A LADY’S POINT OF VIEW

Buy now!
A LADY’S POINT OF VIEW

THE WOULD BE MOMMY

Buy now!
THE WOULD BE MOMMY

THE FAMILY NEXT DOOR

Buy now!
THE FAMILY NEXT DOOR

DANGER MUSIC

Buy now!
DANGER MUSIC

SAVAGED SURRENDER

Buy now!
SAVAGED SURRENDER

A SOLDIER’S ITALIAN CHRISTMAS

Buy now!
A SOLDIER’S ITALIAN CHRISTMAS

COME FLY WITH ME

Buy now!
COME FLY WITH ME

SUPERHERO IN DISGUISE

Buy now!
SUPERHERO IN DISGUISE

WELCOME TO LOON LAKE

Buy now!
WELCOME TO LOON LAKE
FATHOMS: A NOVEL OF THE PARANORMAL

THE LIFE OF RILEY

Buy now!
THE LIFE OF RILEY

COWBOY KARMA

Buy now!
COWBOY KARMA

ILONA’S WOLF

Buy now!
ILONA’S WOLF

LET IT SNOW

Buy now!
LET IT SNOW
FUR, FEATHERS AND SCALES: Sweet, Funny, and Strange Animal Tales

GIRL IN THE MIST

Buy now!
GIRL IN THE MIST

HAGAR’S LAST DANCE

Buy now!
HAGAR’S LAST DANCE
SNOW IN LOVE: Sweet Romance Holiday Collection

#Me Too

Buy now!
#Me Too

HOSTILE WITNESS

Buy now!
HOSTILE WITNESS
THE DAY BAILEY DEVLIN’S HOROSCOPE CAME TRUE
INTIMATE RELATIONS

GIRLFRIENDS & SECRETS

Buy now!
GIRLFRIENDS & SECRETS

THE FIX UP

Buy now!
THE FIX UP

LOVE NOTES

Buy now!
LOVE NOTES
2019

HAUNTING MISS FENWICK

Buy now!
HAUNTING MISS FENWICK
WINTER WISHES: A REGENCY HOLIDAY ROMANCE ANTHOLOGY

THE DEVIL’S CARESS

Buy now!
THE DEVIL’S CARESS
OFF THE RAILS: A Collection of Weird, Wicked, & Wacky Stories
CHRISTMAS ON NANTUCKET AND OTHER STORIES

LEIF Viking Glory Book One

Buy now!
LEIF Viking Glory Book One

FREYA Viking Glory Book Two

Buy now!
FREYA Viking Glory Book Two

HIS HIGHLAND SURPRISE

Buy now!
HIS HIGHLAND SURPRISE

THEIR HIGHLAND BEGINNING

Buy now!
THEIR HIGHLAND BEGINNING

ONCE UPON AN ENCHANTED FOREST

Buy now!
ONCE UPON AN ENCHANTED FOREST

THE WORTH OF A VISCOUNT

Buy now!
THE WORTH OF A VISCOUNT

REWRITING THE PAST

Buy now!
REWRITING THE PAST

TRACKING SHADOWS

Buy now!
TRACKING SHADOWS

ONE TASTE TOO MANY

Buy now!
ONE TASTE TOO MANY

TWO BITES TOO MANY

Buy now!
TWO BITES TOO MANY
SHORT and SWEET’S FAMILY ALBUM

HIDDEN BETRAYAL

Buy now!
HIDDEN BETRAYAL

CLEAR INTENT

Buy now!
CLEAR INTENT

THE CHRISTMAS PRESENT

Buy now!
THE CHRISTMAS PRESENT

GAME TOWN

Buy now!
GAME TOWN

DARK WINE AT DUSK

Buy now!
DARK WINE AT DUSK

HER LOST LOVE

Buy now!
HER LOST LOVE

THE CONSPIRACY

Buy now!
THE CONSPIRACY

THE DECEPTION

Buy now!
THE DECEPTION

SHADOWS AT DAWN

Buy now!
SHADOWS AT DAWN

THE OBLIVIOUS BILLIONAIRE

Buy now!
THE OBLIVIOUS BILLIONAIRE
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE RIDGE, NEW YORK, 1930

THE MASK OF MIDNIGHT

Buy now!
THE MASK OF MIDNIGHT

FOR A GOOD PAWS

Buy now!
FOR A GOOD PAWS
COLTON 911: CAUGHT IN THE CROSSFIRE

DEAD BLOW

Buy now!
DEAD BLOW

HER COWBOY KING

Buy now!
HER COWBOY KING
SERIOUSLY, MOM, YOU DIDN’T KNOW?
THE WITCHES OF NEW MOON BEACH BOXED SET

THE WITCH OF BERGEN

Buy now!
THE WITCH OF BERGEN
LOST WITNESS: A Josie Bates Thriller
#PLEASE SAY YES (#HermosafortheHolidays Book 1)

    ×
    A Slice of Orange started in 2004 as a group of authors from Orange County, California. We have expanded to include authors from around the globe–from the UK, all across the US to New Zealand. Our authors include the multi-published and writers at the beginning of their publishing career. In addition to authors, we feature blog posts from editors, PR professionals, and cover designers. The bright segments of the writing and reading community that make up one perfect entity—A Slice of Orange.

    Copyright ©2017 A Slice of Orange. All Rights Reserved. ~PROUDLY POWERED BY WORDPRESS ~ CREATED BY ISHYOBOY.COM

    >