Today we are featuring a guest post by Geoffrey Allen Murphy.

Geoffrey Allen Murphy is a New York City based Writer, Actor, and (now) Director. Geoffrey has appeared as an actor on Broadway in To Kill a Mockingbird, The Nance, and War Horse, various shows Off-Broadway and regionally, and on Television in “Elsbeth”(upcoming), “Your Friends & Neighbors” (upcoming), “The Gilded Age,” “Law & Order: SVU,” “The Good Fight,” “Orange is the New Black,” “Blacklist,” “Forever,”  and “Gotham.” He is a graduate of The Juilliard School. 

www.geoffreyallenmurphy.com

Why don’t you write about it?

“Why don’t you write about it?” my therapist said.

It sounded cliche. Trying to process what had just happened through writing felt like trying to bail out a sinking cruise ship with a thimble.

“It might help.”

Ok. Fine.

I had just had the most catastrophic doctor’s appointment of my life. My doctor, the esteemed specialist, the medical wizard in his field, just told me I had a “significantly reduced life expectancy.” Not dying today, or tomorrow, but soon and, obviously, for the rest of my life.

Ok. I’ll write. 

But what? How do I even begin?

Sitting in front of my computer, I confronted that demon, the blinking cursor, as it rhythmically mocked my pain. It flowed out. The years of medical mysteries. The pain. The fear. The fear was the worst part. The uncertainty. I put it all on the digital page.

It came out as a screenplay, my usual format of writing, but what came out was weird. Different from my usual work. It jumped in time, it had extensive voice over (a device I usually hate), and it was short. Short films had always been a mystery to me. 

It was short. It was sad. It was sweet. It was funny. And it was everything I was going through, had gone through, and feared was to come.

Finishing it, it’s true, did help.

Everything rattling in my brain and heart now had a home. Was I no longer afraid? Hell no. I was scared shitless. But now, I somehow felt less alone. Me and my pages: Warriors against death.

Two weeks later, I went to a different doctor and got a better prognosis, but honestly, I still haven’t been able to shake the fear that each breath might be my last. 

I also couldn’t shake the feeling that others are going through the same feelings facing their own unique struggles every day.

The thing I had written had helped me. Could it help others?

It was short. It was producible. And after all, why not me? You only live once. And no one knows for how long. So why not do something that scares the bejeezus out of you.

So this therapeutic salve is now in pre-production to become an actual film that I am directing. And to be honest, I have no idea how it will get done. But it will. 

We are crowdfunding our budget (there is a link below if you want to support us), and we have an incredible team assembling to make some art that is sad, funny, sweet, and brief.

So what is the moral of this story? Listen to your therapist?

Yes. Do that. Please.

But I don’t think that is the moral. The moral is to keep going. Don’t let tragedy or sadness or pain or fear stop you from letting out what you need to express. Even if expressing it is terrifying.

Do it. 

Keep going.

You are not alone.

Thank you for any support you may offer for my film at this link:

seedandspark.com/fund/so-youre-dying